Tossing Around Some Thoughts

Life is crazy and always changing.  On the contrary, God is good and constant.  It's true.  Your belief in that Truth despite your circumstances shows really just how much you trust God.  No doubt I often fail in fully trusting and relying on the Lord for the present and future, but thankfully he is ALWAYS faithful to me, even when I fail him.

It's been a while, but I wanted to look at some Scripture in 2 Peter that I have been meditating on lately.  God has been blowing my mind with Truth and challenges through this book.  Maybe it will do the same for you.

v. 16 - Peter didn't make up some this story, but saw the Lord's majesty with his own eyes.
v. 17 - He heard God say, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased."
v. 18 - He was with the Lord on the holy mountain.
v. 19 - He have a sure sign of the Lord's promises... His very Word!
v. 20 - No Scripture comes from a humans own interpretation (thank goodness!)
v. 21 - Men spoke from God as they were carried by the Holy Spirit.

So to sum it up, the Lord speaks to us clearly through his Word.  Wowza.

Those who are searching for God's guidance, look no further then His very Word.  If you aren't, why?

I don't want to, nor can I, give you the answers to all of life's questions, but instead I want to point you straight to the only one who can comfort, heal, and save.  I don't want any person to miss God's clear direction when He made it so easily accessible to many of us.  On the other hand, how dare we take this beautiful gift for granted when many people in other countries don't have the Bible in their language or can't read it?

What is it in our generation that keeps us from sharing the Gospel?  Is it because we have not taken the Word and its message for the beautiful, priceless gift that it really is?

First, we are selfish.  Sharing the Gospel is certainly not an easy task, and when you are glued to your calender and only looking at your to-do list for the day, you will miss out on those chance moments that He provides us with.  We are innately selfish, and if something throws off our plans, we freak out, throw a fit, and sometimes get bitter.

Also, we like to decide who hears this Good News.  We look at others and judge them based on their actions, looks, or status in society and decide if they are good enough for us to share the love and grace that we have received with them.

Getting out of our comfort zone is where I found that the Lord has taught me most.  I believe it's times that we feel inadequate, awkward, and unprepared that God teaches us the most if we are willing to be taught.   When presented with opportunities to minister, we will stick to what we are most comfortable and good and, and how easily pride can creep in if we continue on in this pattern.  If you find yourself in an uncomfortable or unpleasant situation, think about how much the Lord can grow you during that time.  Though it may be painful and unpleasant in the moment, it will be worth it in the long run. 

Hello again, Blog World!

How do I begin to even sum up the past two months of my life?  Let me just start with this simple, but oh so truthful statement.  God is good.  Since being back at school the Lord has blown me away.  I have been continuing to see just how inadequate I really am to do all the tasks and handle all the issues that have needed resolving.  The Lord has provided me with such peace during this stressful and emotional time that I can't even begin to describe.  He has been teaching me full reliance and trust in Him in countless new ways.  He has spoken to my heart and revealed himself to me in ways I never thought were possible.  I am constantly reminded that I don't have to fight the battle anymore, because he has already won the war for my heart.

I've been reading a lot in the Corinthians and a certain verse I read really stuck out to me and definitely convicted me.  As I've established before, I am quite the perfectionist.  Obviously, perfection is something that I will never attain, and God's redeeming power would not have a place in my life.  As I was reading in the final chapter of 2 Corinthians, this passage jumped out of the page at me. 

"For we are glad when we are weak and you are strong.  Your restoration is what we pray for."

I have been constantly talking with several friends about how our weaknesses are a chance for the Lord's strength, might, and power to shine through more evidently.  But to be glad that I am weak?  That is certainly not something that I can say that I do in the least.  I need the Lord's restoration and guiding hand in my life everyday.  I want to rejoice in my weaknesses so that Christ's glory may be displayed through every facet of my life.  

 God will give us the right words to say at the right time.  He will reveal the direction we are to go in HIS time, not our own.  He is sovereign.  He is King.  He is Lord. 

vulnerability

i was watching a video by Jefferson Bethke earlier this week (he is great, so go check his videos out!).  if you want a pre-cursor click here for the link.  he talked about how as a body of believers we need to be more vulnerable with each other.  none of us ever have it all together.  we are human and we are sinners, and it is so much healthier for our spiritual lives if we are open and honest about our struggles.  

i thought that this video was so on point and definitely something that a lot of Christians need to hear today.  it is so easy to pretend like everything is perfect in our lives when in all reality, we may be facing some really heavy trials or spiritual battles.

i got to thinking about it even more and realized that sometimes i have even seen others (and myself at times) try to make it appear as if their life is fine and dandy, but not just to other people, but to God.

my friends, we are completely free to lay every feeling we have down before our Maker.  i know i still deal with fear and anxiety pretty regularly.  these feelings themselves are not sinful, but they can be strong temptations to sin.  it is so easy to get caught up in unhealthy feelings, spiritual battles, or whatever else you may be going through.  at these times is when it is most important to affirm our trust in Him, regardless of how we may feel.

it is unhealthy to hide our fears and pretend like they aren't there.  if we hold anxiety and worry in our hearts, it just harbors and can grow even more.  if we are open and transparent about our fears, it allows the Lord to help us in our weakness.  fearfulness will have no hold on us if we are clinging to the promises of our trustworthy and faithful God.

God is good, all the time, and all the time, God is good

the Lord has really been teaching me what it means to rest in Him.  it is so peaceful to rest in His presence, even when there is chaos going on all around you in the world.  we don't know what the Lord has planned for our futures.  i've been learning not to focus on the past, and the things i wish i could change, as well as not focusing on the future, the job i will have, raising a family, the ministry i will be a part of.  God instead, has been teaching me to focus on him right now, in this moment.  i need to focus on where he has me RIGHT NOW.  if i am open and willing, he can use me right where i'm at.  i don't have to be married, live in another country, be a teacher, or in a titled ministry to be used by the Lord.  i am first and foremost a disciple before i am anything else.  as i go along and may obtain new titles in my life, i want this to always be my first and foremost title, a disciple of Christ.  He will equip me for the challenges that will come along the way.

lately, i have been so eager and anxious for things that my future may hold.  i know though that the Lord's timing is perfect and that his timing is a protection to me.  he meets me in the present moment, right where i'm at, so why am i so eager to know what my future will hold if He is here with my right now?  if i only ask, He will refresh me in the light of His presence.  i want to enjoy him every moment, not spend my life being anxious for the "next step."  He is with me and watches over me wherever i go.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55:8-9

i have tasted and seen that the Lord is good!  i get to experience his living presence every moment of everyday.  he has given me a inheritance and a promise.  the longer i walk with the Lord, the more i see his goodness.  it is so easy to doubt his goodness when we face trials and adversity.  his ways are mysterious to us, so why do we try to understand if it isn't even possible?  his ways and thoughts are higher than our ways.  why do we even try to fathom his ways?  let's learn to enjoy him and experience his goodness at all times. 

dependence

everyday i am constantly reminded of how much i need to depend on the Lord for my strength, patience, the ability to love, and countless other things.  lately i have often been convicted of not giving him my full attention.  don't ask me what has been distracting me, because honestly i'm not sure.  one thing i do know is that i want more then anything else to be persistent in pursuing him.  even more importantly, i want to constantly remember and know that he is still pursuing me.

i'm reminded everyday that i must continue to put my trust in the Lord.  it is much more then a one time commitment.  it is a daily decision and prayer.  i've asked the Lord to let me be more conscious of his presence in my everyday life, and boy, when i am focusing on his presence, it makes decisions of my words, actions, and even what i do in private much easier.  i've been studying more about what the light of God really means.  he is the ultimate light of the world that casts out darkness, we are just privileged to be able to walk in his light and spread it to all the world.  we were designed to enjoy this light, Christ Jesus, above all else.  he only can fulfill the deepest desires of our heart.

he only can cast away every fear and anxiety in our lives.  he only can lift his people out of the darkness of the world.  dependence in our world is often seen as a sign of immaturity.  fully depending on God is the single most mature and wise decision(s) we will/can ever make in our lives.

Abiding in the Spirit

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."  Galatians 5:22

The Lord has put his Spirit within us, the Spirit of joy!  This joy does not come from outward circumstances, whether that be material things or acheivements.  This joy comes from knowing and being in relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.  As we learn to abide in the Spirit, he blesses us with these "fruits."  

Seek to live close to the Lord and be open to what He is doing in your life and heart today.  Ask for the Spirit to direct your thoughts and actions.  Focus on the Lord, for he goes before and He is beside us.  You will find these things, love, joy, and peace, only in His presence. 

Try This Psalm on for Size

If I haven't already made it clear on here, I like writing.  But, I don't like writing as much as other things.  Things being, eating, reading, talking, etc.

A lot of times I write as a way to express what I feel I have been learning and feel led to share with somebody.  If I find that through writing then I write, but a lot of times I can find that outlet elsewhere.  Hence, my lack of posting as often as I would like.  It's not laziness, it's lack of motivation.

When I got to college I started this blog as a way to share and sort out the things that the Lord was teaching me and the experiences I was having.  It was a good way to adjust for me.

After two years at college, I now have godly, encouraging friends who I can talk to when I need perspective or to sort my thoughts out.  I have a job with my college in student leadership, my studies, friendships, and my church family to help me keep things in perspective, which is why I haven't really become "regular" in my blogging.

Of course there is a reason why I am writing this post then, when I have countless other things to be doing (just kidding, I am not busy in the least this weekend).

In a couple months I will be taking on a new adventure as an RA, and then a year from now I will be graduating.  I've been in prayer, read my assigned books, and emailed back and forth with my RD, and it's all becoming very real.  Not only will this be my last year at school, but I will be responsible for the safety of forty girls.  This is why I need to write.  This is when I need to sort my thoughts into order and watch paragraphs from.  And, thankfully end.

College girls say and do some crazy things.  They still cry about MANY things.  New challenges, obstacles, hardships, and trials arise on a daily basis.  As an SLD on my hall last year, these are things that I have come to understand are a part of life on a girl's hall.  I try to take them in stride.  I want to be more sensitive to them going into the new school year.  I want to build trust with the girls on my hall.  I want to know where they are spiritually.

Even more so, I'm excited/sad that next year will be my Senior year.  Sometimes I get a little overwhelmed by the bittersweet of it.  So many good things will be left behind, but even better things to anticipate.  But, I know that some of the things that were good during those four years, will continue to be good then.  But what will my life look like after graduation?

I don't know.

There is a great temptation to try and figure out what the future will look like, to analyze every possible outcome, to spend more time planning my life then living it.  Giving more energy towards avoid undesired outcomes then pursuing the only outcome that really matters.

Thankfully, I have another option...

"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act."

There is so much about the future that I don't know, and sometimes the weight of that can seem too heavy.  But I don't have to carry that burden anymore.  As I follow Christ, he will direct me where I need to go in due time.  

If you feel like this sometimes, take a look at Psalm 37:3-7.  I think you'll like what you see.  

Seek My Face

 

Sitting on the docks at the park, I read this verse over and over.

"When you said, "Seek my face," My heart said to You, "Your face, LORD, I will seek."  Psalm 27:8

Tears started welling up in my eyes.  My hand shook as I wrote in my journal, pouring out my heart to the Lord.

"Seek my face."

This verse was in my devotional book that morning.  Every morning I read from this book, striving to start my day in His presence.

I remember reading this verse quite some time ago, back when I was a sophomore in high school.  Having for the first time realized what it meant to have a relationship with the Lord, I started searching through my new "adult" Bible.  I came across this verse and thought to myself, "Yeah, I do that.  I seek the Lord's face.  Not something I have to try for very much."  Boy, I thought I had it all together by myself.

A little over five years later and I see this verse in a much different light.  After six mission trips, leading students in my youth group for two years, discipling college girls at my school for two years, studying Religion and Inter-Cultural Studies, and having the opportunity to be taught by some of the wisest and godliest men and women on earth, I now know that I am not seeking the Lord's face everyday or in every area of my life.

Through all of the transitions of the past several years, the ups and downs, I have seen the Lord's faithfulness more then ever.  Not only is He the solid rock that I can stand on, but He is faithfully working in me.  For the past few months I've wondered, how can I REALLY seek his face?  And finally, I can say, I'm starting to understand what that means.

Seeking His face involves rest.  At the same time it involves action.  It means being with Jesus - not just doing.  Doing flows out of being.  If comes from fulling resting in Jesus - after we know who we are in Him and who He is.

In the past several months, God has showed me that I constantly put my value in the things that I do instead of who He says I am.  I struggled with "performance identity."  Raise my hands in worship, pray eloquently, always offer to pray in groups, volunteer in every area possible, etc.  I didn't realize it until I sat at home over Christmas break with no one to "impress" with my spirituality.  Quickly, the Lord revealed to me that I had put my identity in my "job" and ministry.  A part of me crumbled.  I didn't have any labeled ministry while I was at home for that whole month.  I wasn't plugged in to my church to serve or disciple either.

I started to realize that perfection or striving for identity in my performance is not God's plan for me.  That is not what He wants for his children.  Yes, He wants us to work hard.  Yes, we are to use the gifts He has given us.  However, our value and identity are not found in the things that we do.  Our identity is found in Jesus, who says we are loved, cherished, valued, redeemed, set apart, and His inheritance.  He doesn't love us because of what we do, He simply loves us because we are His.  Yes we are to serve him, but out of love, not out of fear.

I don't have an intense ministry job right now.  I can rest.  I can seek His face.  I can simply be with Him - in the present, with whatever I'm doing.  To give thanks.  To trust. To pray.  I'm learning to be content with not having a being surrounded with a bunch of girls pouring their hearts out to me, seeking for advice and encouragement.

There are different seasons for everything.  This one is a season of seeking for me.  This is a season to go back to the basics - to remember why I fell in love with Jesus in the first place.  To not think of him as my employer, but as my King and Savior.  To just seek Him and know that I can't do anything apart from Him.  I just get to be with Him and let his love and light shine forth.  For His name's sake alone.  He's been showing me this through the past months.  Whatever season you are in today, know that the Lord is calling you to seek Him.  To rest in Him.  To find your identity in Him and then go wherever He leads you, continually seeking him all the while.  You don't have to prove yourself.  He already loves you completely, forever. 
 

Some Things You May Not Have Known

- I get giddy like a kid on Christmas when I get an email saying I have a package.

- One of my most treasured possessions is the spoon ring that my mom gave me for Christmas two years ago.

- Each semester I have worn less and less make-up.  I down to just a touch of tinted moisturizer.  And my hair?  Pretty much let it air dry or it's in a ponytail.  That's what college does to you folks!  But, I don't mind in the least!  I have much better things to invest my time in then beautifying myself.

- My favorite time of day is in the mornings, curled up on my bed with a cup of coffee and my Bible.  It's even better when I'm at home and the sunshine can shine through my window.  So peaceful and refreshing.

- Speaking of that delectable beverage, I've been slowly drinking more and more cups each day... oh, the life of a Senior.

- I laugh at myself way too much and think I am pretty hilarious.  At least my best friend and roommate thankfully agree.

Oh, life as of late.  You have been quire confusing and hectic.  Taking one day at a time...